i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You pole danced in your parka.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize