he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
