Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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