why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
