You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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