I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
