i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
