peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
