What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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