He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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