i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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