This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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