ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize