We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
