babies were throwing up all over the place
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
