Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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