its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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