i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
