smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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