I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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