we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
