I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
