we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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