she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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