all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize