i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
