SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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