I could make wine with my vomit
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
