the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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