If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
