Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
