I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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