I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
