You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They have beer where we have blood.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
