Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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