Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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