dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
