He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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