I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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