Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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