So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
