Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
