its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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