You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
