Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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