Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
