Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
