Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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