i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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