He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
