If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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