If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
