hotel room ftw
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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