After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
