we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
