Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
