Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Text me some of your sweat
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
