so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
