Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All the doctor said was why
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
