i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
