I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
