Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize