I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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