Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
