did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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