So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
