Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
