I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My hand turned me down
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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