The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
