She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
