White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
