i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
