i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
