I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
